sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
