Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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