also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
