mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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