Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
