Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
