If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
then he tried to convert me to islam
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Randomize
