Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
