Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
