umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
