You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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