Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
