Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
