dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Slut skills are useful in every country.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
