if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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