i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
