Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
