I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
