I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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