We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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