I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
