i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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