feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
