Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
pray to the hookup gods
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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