If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
