went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
