they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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