Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
