Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
