Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
