my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
