dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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