And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
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So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
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Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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