Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
