what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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