when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
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