What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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