Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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