Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
