Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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