Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I wear drunk well.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
