Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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