After last night, I could never be a politician.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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