Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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