Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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