you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
