haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
