Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
