I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
