also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
