I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
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