it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
only you would photoshop your dick
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
