I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
