Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize