That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
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so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
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You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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