You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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