You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
