you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
