So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
