why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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