My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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