i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
