No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
