sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
